In Between VI: A Lesson in Gaycism and Killer Instincts
by Eloise05
Summary: HUMANIZED. Marlene wants to learn to defend herself, but Kowalski switches the intensity level 10 times. Rico is struggling with gaycism close to home and Skipper just wants a shower. [implied SkipperxPrivate]
1. Chapter 1

_**Ricardo "Rico" Fernandez**__: he is the only one still leaving in the HQ (a big, one room apartment with no wall divisions, grey , brick walls and grey floors). He's tall with dark hair and topaz eyes and the usual scar on the left part of his mouth._

_**Steven Davidson a.k.a. Skipper**__: in the beginning he is sharing an apartment with Private. He has brown hair and piercing blue eyes. _

_**Percival "Percy" Smith a.k.a. Private**__: He's the youngest and smallest in the group. Private's love of sewing and making doll's dresses turned into a business and now he owns a clothing store which he manages when he's not with the team. Of British origin, he has light blonde hair, baby blue eyes and freckles. _

_**Jan Kowalski**__: He is gay-married according to NY state law to Francis Blowhole, whit whom he is living. He is of Polish descent, the tallest of the group, blonde and blue eyed. _

_**Marlene Potter**__: She is a very cute, flirty, but zany girl. She has dark brown hair and brown eyes. _

_**Francis Blowhole**__: is Kowalski's life partner (because mad scientist's have to keep together). He has light brown hair, green eyes____and wears an electronic eye patch over his right eye____(which he devised) designed after the shape of his eye and bone structure. (In case you were wondering, no he didn't gave up the Evil business all together)_

_**Julian King**__: He is the owner of the club The Kingdom. He is very tall, thin and likes to wear leather (neah, just joking (or am I?)). He is dark skinned and has amber eyes. _

_Evening at the HQ, Rico and Julian are chilling together. _

**Rico: **Yo, Julian. Guess what came in the mail today? "Penalty of Death 2 - Excuse Me While you Die". Pre-order, yeahh.  
**Julian: **No,no,no,no.  
**Rico: **Will not say that.  
**Julian: **Oh, hey, man, there's this new guy, Franklin, who just started working for me.  
Think you guys would be perfect for each other.  
**Rico**: Look at Julian being my pimp. Yeah, give him my number. (_Skipper enters carrying a bag_)  
**Skipper: **Brew crew, right here. (_sees Rico eating messily on his unpacked boxes_) Uh, man, you're dripping stuff on my stuff.  
**Rico **(_full mouth_): House rule- if you don't unpack, it becomes my furniture.  
**Skipper: **You're gonna just spill pico de gallo all over my signed New York Rangers photo? That's disrespect, man.  
**Julian: **Respect would be hanging that up. It's time to unpack. You've been living here for, like, three months.  
**Skipper**: Rico, that's my t-shirt that you're using as a napkin.  
**Rico: **Are you sure?

**Skipper: **Yeah.  
**Rico: **It's not a napkin? I thought our napkins had v-necks.  
**Skipper: **No. Why do I live here? (_Kowalski and Marlene enter wrapped in the middle of their own conversation_)

**Marlene: **You don't seem to understand, Kowalski I am terrified.  
**Kowalski: **Marlene, you don't need to do this…  
**Marlene: **Guys, I have an announcement. I've-I've come to say good-bye. I've been making some major life choices, and I've decided to leave New York.  
**Rico: **Bye!

**Julian: **What's going on?

**Kowalski: **She's being ridiculous. There was a break-in in her neighborhood, and now she's talking about moving back in with her parents.  
**Marlene: **Just temporarily, until there's no more crime in America.  
**Kowalski: **Or you could do what I did in college, before I knew anything about commandos or holding my own in a fight.  
**Marlene: **Hook up with a ton of girls and call it a phase?

**Rico: **Whaaa…?

**Kowalski: **It was a phase.  
**Marlene: **Long phase.  
**Kowalski: **What I'm talking about is taking a self-defense class. It's incredibly empowering. And you know what? You could really benefit from learning how to stand up for yourself.  
**Skipper: **He's right, Merley. No offense, but you do tend to shy away from confrontation.  
**Marlene: **In my defense, I do tend to shy away from confrontation. Oh. I see what you mean. Mm. 

_At Darla's, Kowalski and Marlene are having lunch together. _  
**Kowalski: **So Rico thinks it's harmless fun to sit around and play a video game where he rips a wizard limb from limb, but I'm the freak for watching "S.V.U."?

**Marlene: **Totally. I hate that stuff… Gi-gah! (_out of the blue she grabs his fork out of his hand_) And you have been disarmed.  
**Kowalski: **What was that?

**Marlene: **I took your advice, and I've been taking krav maga. It's this hard-core Israeli martial art. It is the best. I have never felt more confident, more safe. And I've really developed (_whispering_) a killer instinct.  
**Kowalski **(_also whispering_): That's great, Marlene. Maybe I'll tag along sometime.  
**Marlene **(_super excited_): You should! But be warned, in just four sessions, Mild-mannered New-yorker Marlene Potter has turned into Israeli angel of vengeance Shira Abramowitz. (_grabs the check from his hands in her now trademark "disarming" move_)  
A-bam! Take that to the west bank, sucka! Boom!

**Kowalski: **So is Shira paying? Is that…

**Marlene: **No, no, no. 

_At the HQ Rico and Julian are laying on the couch playing video games (well Julian is, Rico is back seat driving him through the game). _

**Rico: **Okay, now capture that baby and rip its fingers off.  
**Julian: **Oh, ho! It's spewing rubies.  
**Rico: **I know, right? (_Skipper appears running from the bathroom half naked, wet and very, very red_)

**Skipper: **Stop! Rico! The shower burned me again. What did you do to this place while I wasn't here?  
**Rico: **Skipper, it's a shower, bud. It's not that hard. Let the water run for six seconds. Jump in. You got at least 30 seconds of decent temperate water, And then quarter-turn yourself to avoid the initial rust blast, go back in for another 30 seconds. It's like he's never showered before.  
**Skipper: **I hate you. (_his phone rings. He picks up_) Hello?

**Private **_(with the highest voice possible that wouldn't make dog-kind bleed their ears off_): Hi, Skipper. How's it going?

**Skipper: **Hello, high voice. Either you're wearing really tight jeans or you have a mouse.  
**Private: **Both. And believe me, it was not easy getting up on this chair. Can you come over?

**Skipper: **You know, I assumed I wasn't on mouse patrol anymore since that whole thing where we broke up, and I moved out.  
**Private: **Please? I think he's settling in for the long haul. I saw him drag a meatball underneath the couch.  
**Skipper **(_long-suffering sigh_): Okay, I'll be right over.  
**Julian: **Oh, so how'd your date go with Franklin?

**Rico: **Eh. 

**-FLASHBACK-**

_The other night Rico is at a date with the most boring human being possible. Everything about him is bland, from his face to his clothes, even his voice is bleah. _

**Franklin: **I get in the supply closet and finally find the pens. And so it's, like, everyone has one now and ...

**Rico: **Good, good. Did you drive here?

**Franklin: **Yeah. Do you wanna go for a drive?

**Rico: **No, I was gonna order a few more drinks Then ride your car off a cliff.  
**-FLASHBACK-**

**Julian: **I thought you guys would've had a good time, you know, I mean, you're both—**Rico: **we're both what?

**Julian: **Super cool dudes.  
**Rico: **Pause. You were gonna say "gay". It all makes sense now. You, my friend, are a gay-cist.  
**Julian: **What?

**Rico: **You think all gays are the same. You think just because Franklin and I are both friends of Elton, we're just gonna pack it up, move to Vermont, and start selling antiques? **Julian: **No, I did not say that.  
**Rico: **Unpause. Relax. It's fine. I'm just messing with you. Besides, some parts of the stereotype are true. I mean, just 'cause we didn't get along doesn't mean we didn't have raging sex in a bus terminal.  
**Julian: **Really?

**Rico: **Pause. No! Video game playdate suspended on account of your gay-cism. We're not even gonna make prank calls today.  
**Julian: **Aw, man!

**Rico: **Okay, one. 

_At the krav maga gym center, Kowalski decided to tag along with Marlene. Everyone is stretching out before the actual class. _

**Kowalski: **Just follow my lead, Kowalski. The key-I'll tell you right now, this one's for free- Is stretching out your lats. It gives you a little extra torque on your kill kicks.  
**Kowalski: **You know what I heard gives you extra torque as well, is knowing where your lats are.  
**Marlene: **Okay, I know where my lats are. They're right here. (_gestures to her whole body_)  
_The krav maga instructor comes in at the front of the class._

**Instructor: **All right, everyone, pay attention. My name is Yoni, Which in Hebrew, is short for "God's gift". Unfortunately, in Sanskrit, it means "female genitals". Let's pair off and start with some light disarming. Everyone grab a rubber knife.  
**Marlene **(_over confidant riding the high of her short experience with Israeli martial arts and forgetting who she's facing at the moment_): Okay, sweetie. I'm just gonna take it nice and easy, okay? I'm just gonna come at you kinda half-speed. Here I go! (_Kowalski grabs her knife-wielding arm, twists it and starts stabbing her with her own knife_) Ow..Ow! Ow! ! What the-ow!(_sweeps his foot under hers, gets her on the ground and continues stabbing her_) Ow! Kowalski, ow!

**Yoni: **Nice work. Nice work. Okay, let's do it again. Up, up, for Yoni, ah? Let's get moving. I have a lamaze class to teach.

**Kowalski **(_helps her get up_): Come on. (_Marlene is just confused_) 

_At Private's apartment, Skipper has arrived to catch the big, scary mouse. _

**Private: **Are you sure that's a humane mousetrap? (_a faulty kitchen cupboard door swings open overhead. He casually closes it back_)

**Skipper: **Yep. Once we catch the little fella, we'll release him in the park, where a homeless man will barbecue him on a skewer. (_the cupboard door swings open again. Private pushes it back again_) You should get that fixed.  
**Private: **It's a total pain. Don't worry. It's not a ghost. Had it checked.  
**Skipper: **Good. Because I was just about to ask if it was a ghost.  
**Private** (_checks his watch_)**: **Oh. I gotta get to my shop. Do you mind staying here and finishing up and then letting yourself out or is that too weird?

**Skipper: **Why would that be weird? Every square foot of this apartment has seen me naked. Now it's weird. Go on. Get out of here.  
**Private: **Okay. See ya. (_pushes the cupboard door one more time on his way out_)  
**Skipper **(_all alone now_): Wow. The old apartment. (_takes a few steps around, then spots the glorious bathroom, all shiny and clean, soaps of different sizes and shapes waiting for him, loofahs beckoning and the crowning jewel a huge bathtub_) 

_At Darla's, Julian, Marlene and Rico are sitting at the bar. Marlene has glazed over eyes and a shocked look on her face. _  
**Julian: **Rico, I'm telling you, I'm not gay-cist.  
**Rico: **Yeah, okay.  
**Julian: **You're one of my closest friends, and you're gay.  
**Rico: **Typical gay-cist rhetoric. You people- you're all the same.  
**Julian: **"You people"? Now that's racist.  
**Rico: **I taught you how to eat a guy's spine, dawg, And this is how you do me? That cold, player.  
**Julian: **Okay, you're literally talking like a stereotypical black person, and I'm a gay-cist? (_Rico walks away_) This is ridiculous. Right, Marlene? (_Marlene has been in a state of shock this entire time_) Marlene? (_he snaps his fingers in front of her in an attempt to make her snap out of it; it works_)

**Kowalski: **Oh, my god. Sorry. I'm just a little jumpy because Kowalski fake-stabbed me 38 times today. That man's an animal. 

_At his store Private is calling Skipper to see about his horrible mouse situation. On the other end of the convo, Skipper is having a long, bubbly soak in the luxurious (if you compare it to the HQ's) bathroom. _  
**Private: **Hello? Hey, it's me. Did you catch the mouse

**Skipper: **Working on it.  
**Private: **Oh, he's a sneaky little guy

**Skipper **(_hears the trap he set go off_): Oh, wait.  
**Private: **Did you get him?

**Skipper: **Hold on. Let me check real quick. (_he gets out of the tub and releases the little mouse_) Hmm, nope. False alarm. Might have to come back tomorrow. 

_After several days, Skipper and Private are having coffee and tea, respectively at Privet's kitchen counter. _

**Private: **It's been four days. I can't believe you haven't caught this mouse yet.  
**Skipper: **I know. He's my Bin Laden…Jessica Bin Laden- Super hot arab girl I went to high-school with.  
**Private: ** Aaanyway. Thanks for fixing that cupboard, by the way.  
**Skipper: **Yeah, totally.  
**Private: **Thanks for fixing the Air Conditioning, too.  
**Skipper: **I also fixed your surround sound and brought this special cable so you can watch TV in high def.  
**Private: **That is so nice.  
**Skipper: **You know, I just wanna make the place more comfy…for you.  
**Private: **Thanks for fixing so much stuff. (_he's getting ready to go out when he sees the mouse trapped. Checks to see if Skipper noticed, then sets it free. Whispering to the mouse_) Okay. Go. Go, go, go. Whew! (_to Skipper_) Doesn't this suck, How this mouse has inconvenienced us?

**Skipper: **Torture. 

_At the krav maga gym, right in the middle of a session. Marlene is cowering on the ground. _

**Yoni: **Beautiful! Now use her own gun against her. (_Kowalski grbs the fake gun Marlene dropped when she fell to the ground and starts to imitate fire shots to the areas he knows are most lethal_) Wonderful, Kowalski. Wonderful. You're like a cobra- swift, lethal. Marlene, you will have a sparsely attended memorial service. She's still moving.  
**Kowalski **(_continues firing at Marlene, then pretends his bullets run out):_ What? (_pretends to pull an AK-47 from behind his back_) Boom! Boom!

**Marlene **( _fed up, crawling away from him_): Okay, we get it. We get it. 

_At Private's shop, Private is doing his shop job, while Rico is lounging about. _

**Private: **Hey, that cheese is for the customers.  
**Rico: **I could be a customer. Do you have this in a men's extra husky?

**Private: **Why are you here again?

**Rico: **Free wi-fi.  
**Private: **Riiight.  
**Rico: **Hey, have you seen Skipper? I feel like he only comes home to sleep. It's like living with a stripper.  
**Private: **He's been trying to catch a mouse at my place.  
**Rico: **Still?

**Private: **Yeah, pretty wily mouse. But it's kinda working out 'cause Skipper's been fixing things while he waits.  
**Rico: **And you're not at all concerned that Skipper is day-squatting and playing -it in the love nest you two used to share?

**Private: **What are you getting at?

**Rico: **Just saying, Private-I'm no doctor, you know that-it's just that I feel like Skipper is having a tough time moving on. He hasn't even unpacked his New York Rangers signed photo.  
**Private: **Really? I mean, he hung that in his car on a road trip to Wisconsin. You don't think he's trying to use this situation as a way to ease us back together?

**Rico: **Oh, absolutely, I do, yeah.  
**Private: **Really?

**Rico: **Or not. I don't know. (_he looks around and picks up the first things that fall into his hands, which happen to be two bracelets. He puts them to his ears like ear-rings_) Look at me. I'm a fancy lady.  
**Private **(_gives him a scathing look_): Those are bracelets.  
**Rico: **Are they?

**Private: **Yeah. Okay. I gotta go.


	2. Chapter 2

_Private arrives at his apartment and finds Skipper lying on the couch in just his shirt and boxers, eating nachos and… reading a women magazine. _  
**Private: **Skipper?

**Skipper **(_surprised tries to take back what little he has of his dignity. Gets off the couch and pretends this isn't what it looks like_); Private. Hey. The mouse remains at large. I had to be completely still, Which is why I was lying on the couch, And I had to take off my pants because the mouse could hear my jeans.  
**Private: **What's that smell? Have you been cooking?

**Skipper: **I had some time so I thought I'd make some dinner.  
**Private: **Dinner? Listen, I know this is not about the mouse. Okay?

**Skipper: **You do?

**Private: **Yes. And you can't keep coming here.  
**Skipper: **Just hear me out, all right? You don't know what it's like living without… **Private: **Would you please stop? Rico and I talked about this, (_gestures between themselves_) and it's getting weird.  
**Skipper: **It's miserable. Most mornings I can't even get out of bed because I know all that's waiting for me is a searing, scalding shower of pain.  
**Private: **I feel for you, okay, I do, but I just… I can't do this right now. (_hands him his pants and other stuff_)  
**Skipper: **We can make it work.  
**Private: **I think you should go. Go.  
**Skipper **(_takes his pot of dinner also_): It was chili.

_At the krav maga gym, Kowalski is making his merry way to the class, thinking Marlene is waiting for him there, when he spots a weird sight: a room full of elderly ladies practicing a mellowed out form of jazzercise and amongst them Marlene. _  
**Kowalski: **Marlene? Wh-what's going on?

**Marlene: **What does it look like?

**Kowalski: **Like "Cocoon". Are you not going to krav?

**Marlene: **Not anymore. Jazzercise is really fun. And you made krav too intense.  
**Kowalski: **It's supposed to be intense. If someone breaks into your house, they are not going to jazz-rob you. They're gonna rob-rob you or murder-murder you. Okay, I am doing this for your own good.  
**Marlene: **But you, like, destroyed my confidence. You beat the Shira out of me

**Kowalski: **Fine. Have fun in your dance class, and when you get your "killer" instinct back, you know where I'll be.  
**Marlene: **I can find my killer instinct right here. 

_Skipper is attempting a shower at the HQ. _

**Skipper: **Eight mississippi, and nine mississippi! And ten mississippi, quarter turn.  
Avoid the rust. (_the pipes squeal and the water turns copper for a few seconds_) . Oh, yeah. I got you beat, rust. I got you beat. And back in. Turn the nozzle 90 degrees. And we're in business. This is not so bad. (_the shower tap flies off the wall, resulting in scalding hot water spraying everywhere, and hits him. He falls to the floor dragging the shower curtain with him_) Oh! Aah! Oh! Oh, god! Oh! Rico Help! Rico!

_At that exact same moment Rico is at Darla with Julian._

**Rico: **So on "Penalty of Death," you can create your own character, so I made myself Glenn Beck, so if I die, I don't feel bad. Why do you keep staring at the door?

**Julian: **I'm not. (_Franklin walks in. He is wearing clothes that are trying to imitate Rico's, but failing somehow_) Hey! Look, it's Franklin! (_Rico has already figured what is going on, has a slightly P.O-ed look on his face, but surprisingly keeps his mouth shut_).  
**Franklin **(_in the most awkward way possible_)**: **Julian, Rico. What's up home-homeboys? Hip-hop. I like it. Do you like it?

**Julian: **What you been up to, Franklin? Anything Rico would be interested in?

**Franklin: **Well, uh, I just bought the new people-killing game for the x-station box. Did I mention I was a video gamester? (_Rico shakes his head to say "no" and sighs at the same time_) You know what? Probably didn't get a chance to, during our time together, divulge that important detail.  
**Rico **(_in scathing sarcasm_)**: **Well, now I can sleep tonight. (_Julian and Franklin both laugh_)  
**Franklin:** Yeah, I'd like to see that.

**Rico: **What?  
**Franklin: **Oh! Other facts that may have escaped me that night, uh, that I love- I love, uh, for instance, eating late at night-that's one. I love having a New York accent and judging people cruelly. Yeah.  
**Rico: **Wow. Those are all things that (_gives Julian a dirty look_) I enjoy as well.  
**Franklin: **Anyways, well, I gotta- I kinda gotta go. (_sees Julian giving him a"phone" signal_) Uh, uh, you know what? I actually, uh, gotta go, 'cause I'm gonna make a-a-a prank call to an ethnic restaurant and exploit the language barrier.  
**Rico **(_still deep in sarcasm_): Yeah, it's so funny.  
**Franklin: **So funny when people are different.  
**Rico: **Yes. Yeah.  
**Franklin: **So I'm out. Whatever. No biggie. Who cares?. (_leans in over Rico as if to kiss him. Rico flinches back freaked out. You know when Rico's freaked out it's no good_) Bye (_he leaves_)  
**Julian: **Good, old, awesome, dependable, compatible Franklin.  
**Rico: **I know what you're trying to do.  
**Julian: **Look, Rico, I-I just think…

**Rico: **You're trying to get me to give Franklin a second chance, and I should.  
**Julian: **Really?

**Rico: **Yeah. What do you say the three of us all go hang out?

**Julian: **Yeah. C-cool, man, yeah. I'll-I'll set it up, my friend. That's awesome. Yeah, it'll be just me, you, and Franklin. I don't mind being the meat in that sandwich. (_Rico gives him a you-do-realize-what-you-just-said look_) 

_Marlene is talking on the phone with Private, making her way to his apartment. _

**Marlene: **Thanks for letting me crash here Private. Kowalski has just gotten in my head so much, I really don't feel safe in my own apartment right now.  
**Private: **No problem. Just let yourself in. I'll be home later.  
**Marlene: **okay. Thank you so much.  
**Private: **You're welcome.  
**Marlene: **All right, I love you, Private.  
**Private: **You, too. Okay, bye.  
**Marlene: **Bye. (_she enters the dark apartment when a hand out of nowhere settles on her shoulder and scares her out of her wits. She elbows her assailant in the nose, then a kick to the groin and manages to grab him and throw him to the ground. From the floor she hears a familiar groaning. She turns on a lamp_)  
**Marlene: **Ooh! Skipper?!

**Skipper **(_angry_): Yeah! Skipper! Yes!

**Marlene: **I am so sorry.  
**Skipper **(_still trying to get up but he got hit in a rather important place_): Ugh! What are you doing here?

**Marlene: **What are you doing here?

**Skipper: **I want to take a shower.  
**Marlene: **Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that makes total se…What are you doing here? You have your own shower.  
**Skipper **(_up now_): I know. I know, but every time I shower at Rico's place, I come out all rusty

**Marlene: **Sweetie, you can't keep calling it Rico's place. Okay? It's your place, too. And you cannot break Into your ex-boyfriend's house to shower. Because this… this is just straight-up creeptown.  
**Skipper: **I know. Ow ow ow!  
**Marlene: **Are you okay?

**Skipper: **Oh! Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Although, I do think you kicked my "p" into a "v". **Marlene: **Nice! I did that. I did that. Or should I say Shira did that. Thank you, Shira. (_in a bad Israeli/Hebrew/I don't know accent, imitating a tough amazon like woman_) You're welcome, Marlene. Would you care for some hummus? hiya!

_At Darla. Julian and Franklin are waiting for Rico to complete that sandwich they were talking about the other day. Meanwhile Julian is trying to fill Franklin's head with more stuff that would make Rico even take a look at him without gagging (not in that way you perverts). _

**Julian: **No. Peyton Manning's the funny one. Eli's the one that can't close his mouth.  
**Franklin: **Okay. Sorry.  
**Rico: **Hey, guys.  
**Franklin: **Hey. (_goes for a fist bump_)  
**Rico: **Keep it to yourself, Franklin. So I brought along a friend of mine that, Julian, I think you will just hit it off with. Julian, I'd like you to meet miss Mary. (_an elderly, sweet, African-American woman approaches the table_) I met her on my floor, selling bibles, and I thought, you guys got a lot in common.  
**Miss Mary: **So nice to meet you, Julian: .  
**Julian: **Ma'am.  
**Rico: **Miss Mary why don't you have a seat and tell Julian some more about how your religion doesn't believe in blood transfusions?

**Miss Mary: **Oh, sure.  
**Julian: **Um, no offense, miss Mary, but, uh, Rico, what on earth do you think I have in common with this woman?

**Rico: **Why do I think you have something in common with her?

**Julian: **Yeah.  
**Rico: **I don't know, 'cause you're both…

**Julian **(_sighs_): Okay, I'm a gay-cist.  
**Rico: **There it is. Put it on the board.  
**Julain: **You and Franklin have nothing in common except your sexual preference.  
**Rico: **It's all right, Julian. Me and Franklin still had raging sex in the bathroom. (_Miss Mary gasps in horror_)  
**Julian: **You guys had rocking, gay sex in the bathroom?

**Rico: **No! Ugh! (_Franklin is frankly offended_)

**Miss Mary: **You boys are going straight to hell in a handbasket. (_Rico and Julian burst in laughter_) 

_Private enters the HQ, a serious look on his face_  
**Private: **Skipper, we need to talk. I was thinking about it, and the way I kicked you out the other day- That was really rude.  
**Skipper: **It's okay. I understand.  
**Private: **No, I was being selfish. Okay? I just…I really liked the way that you were fixing stuff, and I didn't stop think about how that might reawaken all those feelings in you.  
**Skipper: **Feelings?

**Private: **Trust me. I have complicated feelings about you, too. I just…I don't think now is the right time to try and get back together.  
**Skipper: **Oh! no, no. I don't want to get back together. No, the only thing I wanted to get back together with was my old shower.  
**Private: **Really? Wait. You expect me to believe that you basically moved back into my apartment because you love my shower?

**Skipper: **Yeah, because it's clean, Because you have soap that's shaped like butterflies.  
Here, the soap is shaped like fifteen mini-soaps smashed together and wrapped in hair.  
**Private: **You know you can just buy soap.  
**Skipper: **Private, I swear I don't have any reawakened feelings. Unlike you. Who apparently is fully awake.  
**Private: **What? What? No. I'm not awake at all. Nope.  
**Skipper: **Then what are you doing in my apartment?

**Private: **Trying to figure out how to delete 12 hours of NFL football off my DVR. Since-since when are you calling this your place?

**Skipper: **Well it is home.  
**Private: **Well, not quite. I could help you hang this. (_grabs his New York Rangers photo_) I taught myself how to hammer a nail.  
**Skipper: **Um, you know you can't hammer nails into brick. You know that, right?

**Private: **Yeah. Looks better here.  
**Skipper: **You gonna be able to decorate with all these feelings dancing around your head?

**Private: **Hey, shut up.  
**Skipper **(_starts flexing_): How about this? Does this complicate things?

**Private: **Excuse me? I don't understand that.  
**Skipper: **What about this?

**Private: **Mm! Whew, boy. That is complicated. Don't pull something. 

_Marlene saunters into the krav maga class and gets into Kowalski's face_

**Marlene: **Hey! I got my killer instinct back. I stood up for myself, and last night, I beat Skipper's ass! And now I've come for you. And this time, I know where my lats are. (_points to her biceps_) Boom!

**Kowalski: **Still no. And you beat Skipper, our friend, up?

**Marlene: **Shut your mouth, scarecrow. It is game, set, go time. Match-you and me.  
_They take fighting stances_

**Kowalski: **You sure you wanna do this 'cause I'm not gonna hold back, Marlene.  
**Marlene: **Who's Marlene? My name is Shira Abramowitz (_Kowalski catches her off guard while she's boasting and floors her with one swoop of the leg_)

**Kowalski **(_towering over her_)**: **I'm proud of you, Marlene. You got your killer instinct back. But it doesn't mean I still don't own you in krav. (_Marlene catches him on the knee with her own leg and pull him down too. They start tussling on the floor.)_  
**Yoni: ** Get him! Get him! More ruthless, like you're a gang member. (_Kowalski gets up and grabs one of the fake knifes_) Good. Good twist. I like it.  
**Kowalski: **I stab you!

**Marlene: **I have a force field! (_She jumps up and runs to the other end of the room_)

**Yoni: **okay, Kowalski, get the wooden gun!

**Kowalski **(_grabs the gun_): Pop! Pop! Pop!

**Marlene **(_making her way back with some Wonder Woman like_ _arm motions_): I'm deflecting bullets! (_kicks the gun out of his hand. Kowalski is stunned_) Jazz fists!  
**Yoni: **What the hell is a jazz fist?

**Marlene: **Sucka! It was the krav maga that might have beaten you, but it was the jazzercise that made it look so fine. (_she helps Kowalski up_)  
**Kowalski: **Really great moves. I'm so proud of you. You were great up there. 


End file.
